CHAPTER 7
The Vertical Durante

I was wearing my favorite new dress. A super sleek and sheer backless number in my favorite color ... deep, deep red. Jet-black stiletto heels with a point sharp enough to shish kabob with, a brand new hair-do and I was good to go. Good not only because I was the Queen of all Queens, dressed to kill for a night out on the town. Not because some thrill seeking young boy would soon mistake me for the real thing. No, I was good for a completely different reason. I was good because underneath this all-woman exterior beat the heart of a real man, a real man who was sporting ...

The Vertical Durante

I stared out my office window with a glazed over, mesmerized dullness to my eyes. I could have been there for minutes, hours or days. I can't recall and it doesn't matter. All I know is that a brisk knock at the door startled me into a brief episode of ventricular tachycardia. My secretary stood there, her mouth was moving but I heard almost nothing but a muffled mumbling like if we were under water. " Sir, are you alright" she said as her soft yet throaty voice began to register in the clouded recesses of my perception. "Are you OK" she said again. "Um yes----yes Michelle -- I'm OK" . "You wanted to see me?" she said as she swayed quickly into my office and sat on the couch. I looked at her. I looked long and hard at her sweet face knowing I was about to shatter her life. The dark, bitter winds of financial misfortune had blown up the skirt of our corporate budget and exposed the stained pink panties of impending bankruptcy. The decision was made. It was inevitable. We had to cut back. She had to be let go. "Michelle.... I.. Um.." I stammered. "I have to tell you.... Um" "I know what you are going to say sir..." she said "..and I feel that way too"... " I want you... I've wanted you since the day we met" I must admit at first I almost stopped her in mid sentence but then I thought...hell, she is so hot and I could always let the HR department dump her in a few days. She stood slowly and started to un-button her top. She moved toward the door and shut it as well as the drapes. Then the lights went out. Only the faint glow from my PC lit the room with a bluish haze. She turned toward me and in a very slow deliberate manner pulled down her skirt. My eyes soaking in the visual feast of her now naked, glistening body. I started at her eyes and moved slowly down. Imbedding every inch of her beauty into my mind. I looked at her neck, shoulders, and breasts. Then as I looked down I got my first glimpse of it. It stood there defiantly. So arrogant. So out of place. I closed my eyes and re-open them in hope that it had gone. It had not. I screamed with disgust and ran from the building. That was three years ago today and I've never been back. The company survived its financial problems. No one had to be fired because I quit. Michelle is now sitting at my old desk looking out the window thinking of the day she showed me ...

The Vertical Durante

I felt the futility of it all. What was perhaps the worst day of my life was coming to an end, right where all my days ended, the corner stool in Mack's Tavern. Engulfed in cigar smoke and cheap whiskey, I reflected on a day that started when I woke up alone for the first time in 16 years. Her bags were gone and her closet empty. All that was left of my wife was a note that read "Dear John". The rest was meaningless, you get the point. It didn't get any better when I went to work. "We're really sorry but the company is cutting back." echoed in my mind for hours afterwards. Always be worried when a guy sitting alone says "We" too much. Another sip of booze and my head was beginning to spin. I managed to look up for a moment and I saw her sitting two stools away. My stupor was having the effect of one of those old blurry movie shots, you know the ones where they really want you to know that the woman is beautiful. I realized full well that I was drunk and she was probably a hog, but what the hell, I had no pride left anyway. She babbled incessantly, for what seemed like hours on end, about just about everything, her mother, some kids she knew, even the 1972 Philadelphia Flyers. She spat alot while she spoke but none of that mattered, all I could think about was having sex with someone new for the first time in 20 years. She must have sensed my weakness she and took me by the hand. She led me outside to the parking lot and helped me into the back seat of her 1974 Pontiac Sunbird. The anticipation had me speechless as she slowly removed her stockings. Feeling like a teenager at a peepshow I glanced downward. By now I could hardly focus and I sat there staring hard for nearly a minute trying to get a clear image of something that I now wish I could get out of my head. I can't though and I'm sure that I will be cursed forever with the startling image of ...

The Vertical Durante

I met her at an all night disco bowling alley. At night they turn the lights out and the balls and pins glow in the dark from a black light. She walked up to me and asked me to dance. I know the tango and the waltz but my shuffle was a bit rusty. I hesitantly said yes and we slowly started to dance. I was in heaven, but little did I know that the dream was going to end. It wasn't until much later on that night that I was to learn about ...

The Vertical Durante

She entered the room and stood there silently. The gentle breeze from the open window whimsically played with the soft blonde hair partially covering her deep blue eyes. The soft, muffled music coming in from the other room was off-set by the brisk crash of the waves against the battered shoreline. The yellowish light beamed onto her from the faded moon which sat lazily perched above the ocean in a hazy mist. Then she moved. Slowly, deliberately, intensely she removed the dress which clung to her body like it was painted on. Then, as if sent from Satan himself, out it came. Imagine the horror I felt at my first glimpse of ...

The Vertical Durante

It's been two weeks since that chance encounter with Maude. I returned to work after taking a much needed leave of absence. I needed some time to clear my head and get my life back on track. Working at OTB was not my original plan, but after Clyde came back from the war, with only one arm and no legs, I was the only one left to run the family chinchilla farm. It's a seasonal business. Even though the money is good, we can go months without a single sale. At the OTB I work Tuesday to Saturday 4 PM to midnight. Keeping busy helps me to keep my mind off the incident involving ...

The Vertical Durante

She was a human coat rack.

As a Chinchilla farmer Clyde was a success but alas he was a failure in both love and war. One day in late September, after a particularly poor Chinchilla season and several really poor love affairs he decided to go out and make his own way in the cold, cruel, unforgiving world. He signed up at the local recruiting office and in eight short weeks he was Seaman Second Class Clyde. He was assigned as a Jr. paint chipper on the fore-deck of the USS S. Carolina, a nuclear cruiser bound for enemy waters. A mere two months later Clyde stood at his station chipping paint off the deck (Which badly needed a new paint job) as the bullets flew and the bombs burst in the air (right next to the rockets red glare). Brave, oh so very brave, Clyde stood his ground as the foul stench of death was rising up to meet his angrily flared nostrils. The battle was waged for seventeen hours and there seemed no end in sight until the enemy dealt the final blow. Thew used their secret weapon ...

The Vertical Durante

It was another hopeless night. I drove what seemed like endless circles around those dirty streets in search of the short term answer to my misery. The cheap, red, neon light flickering in my eyes only served as more of a reminder that I had been here before. Yes, I had had come many times looking someone with which to share a meaningful, lasting 15 minute relationship. There she stood in a dark doorway, my velvetty princess, my deeply committed lady of the night. I beckoned to her. She arrived hot-blooded and ready to please. As she climbed onto my lap, the mere thought of her was driving me insane. Suddenly, something was very, very wrong. I glanced down to where her hiked up dress should have been revealing something very pleasing. To my utter disgust, what I saw instead was ...

The Vertical Durante

As I stand by the side of the road watching the bright gleeming metal chariots whisk by at a near breakneck speed I often think back to fond memories of my youth and the time I spent in Germany walking the Autobahn. Watching the cars race by and dreaming of one day having my very own lederhosen. It is there where my ancestors first learned the art of Chinchilla farming. It is also there where I found my first love. Her name is not important but if you must know it was Gretel Von Buttenshrivenburgher. The daughter of a weatlhy and successful vegetable sculptor named Dr. Wilhelm Von Buttenshrivenburgher. Gretel was a strange girl, introverted yet outspoken, Shy yet unusually extroverted, Tall yet only four foot eleven inches in height. A very strange girl indeed. It was one of those lazy summer days. After a full morning of froliking around the countryside, swimming in the cool clean water of the lake and a huge lunch of bratwurst, knockwurst, liverwurst, meunster cheese ,warm beer and sushi I saw the glint in her deep hazel eyes. In her petite yet gruff voice she whispered at a deafening level..." Mein Heir... would you liken to see mine bedroom". I shuddered as any twelve year old boy would have. She held my trembling hand in hers. She led me up the stairs, down the hall, around the corner, throught the parlor, past the library, up the other stairs and through a small corridor into a small dark room with no windows and only one door. As she turned to me through the darkness I could make out the silouette of ...

The Vertical Durante

The sun shone down on the silvery sand slipping gently through my soaking wet toes. My eyes closed from the sweet salty water from the softly flowing sea I had just climbed out of. I reached out blindly for the towel hanging next to me. As I opened my eyes there she stood. Her deep blue eyes looked like two pools of stagnant blue stuff. Her luscious red lips look much like two red things glued to her face near her pouty mouth. I knew then I had to have her. As I finished drying off I looked for a place to dispose of my towel. That when she offered me ...

The Vertical Durante

The breeze gently fluttered the leaves of the shade trees overlooking the sheltered, deserted cove. I stood there in the cockpit of my recently waxed 37 foot Catalina Sloop. The ripples on the water gently lapping up against the dark blue hull. Gulls floating high overhead seemed to be laughing with delight. On the front of the boat was the bow pulpit mounted high out over the greenish blue water. On the front of the Bow Pulpit was Doris in her red and yellow dress. On the front of Doris, hanging low out over the anchor line, was ...

The Vertical Durante

I couldn't help it. Every night I found myself in that same coffee house because I knew she would be there. Her long hair falling and her eyes that shine like a midnight sun, but this was no time for Springsteen, I was obsessed. Of course I knew that a high class dame like her would never have anything to do with a poor chinchilla farmer, that's why I was happy that I started raising prize winning ferrets instead. Maybe I had a chance. I found the nerve under the cover of a triple expresso and approached her. I should have seen the signs then and there. She greeted me in a deep, almost husky voice, but I was too lost in her beauty to notice. We talked for hours while she told me her tales of working as a truck driver and then as a lumberjack, still I had no clue. I could only envision the deepest of darkest sins with her as the shop closed and she invited me back to her place. I quivered with anticipation as she began to slip off her dress the moment we arrived. Then I caught sight of it, something that would alter my life forever ...

The Vertical Durante

I pulled up to my regular dockside restaurant in my truly crappy 19 foot Bayliner. Sure the boat sucked, but it floated, it was 90 degrees and sunny and the ladies never seemed picky enough to notice. I was starving and seriously craving one of my all time favorites at this particular seafood spot, a shrimp salad sandwich. I was a true regular and Maude the waitress and I were on a first name basis. When she eyed me she said simply that she'd bring my "usual". Several minutes later she placed my sandwich and a frosty cold lemonade in front of me. I was now salivating at the thought of those big, succulent shrimp. I took a huge bite, but something was horribly, horribly, wrong. I dropped the sandwich and out of the corner of my eye I could see something new on the special board. I looked down at my plate in utter disgust. What I saw turned my stomach ...

The Vertical Durante Salad Sandwich

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